Monday, September 16, 2013

Whoa Mommy!

So I believe I just had my first actual mommy breakdown. There were tears and some praying. Thankfully, it only lasted five minutes and I was able to put myself back together. Our beautiful, sweet, darling angel is going through one heck of a time right now. She wakes up during the night, cries and cries. She has been teething for months now and just recently got sick. The only thing that makes her happy is watching Sesame Street. Sometimes that doesn't even work. I know she's in pain, but I don't know how to help her. I've been trying to keep her up later so that she'll sleep through the night. However, tonight I let her lay down at 8:30. After tears, refusing to eat, spitting out Motrin, I finally laid her down with a warm bottle. Now, she is sound asleep. I am hoping she gets plenty of rest and feels better in the morning. I always knew being a mom wouldn't be easy, but I underestimated how hard it would be. Today, I truly felt like a bad mom. I couldn't stop my baby from crying and I got overwhelmed trying. So after laying her down, I sat down, and then the tears came, so I prayed. I hope I'm not alone in how I felt tonight. I also hope if you're going or have gone through this then you know you're not alone. I think we feel so much pressure to be perfect as moms. I know I do anyways. Being a stay at home mom, I feel like I should be doing a near perfect job. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I can only hope I can continue to grow, learn, and that one day Pearl will be proud to have me as her mother. I kind of hate that I'm putting this out on the Internet. (I guess I'm hoping that either someone understands or feels relieved when reading this.) I am sharing my own personal thoughts and feelings. I hope you don't abuse that in anyway.  Anyways, I think that's about it. I actually feel better than when I began writing. Don't judge my grammar and punctuation or lack of. 
Being a mom is wonderful. Tonight was a tiny little bump in the road. I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything in the world. Pearl is the most amazing and wonderful little girl. She lights my life and fills my heart. I just pray she gets some rest and starts feeling better. ❤
Little sweetheart sound asleep. 

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